Sunday, November 14, 2010

Saw: The Franchise (2004-2010)

saw has never been my gig. though i caught the first film in theatre and have a vague recollection of watching the second in someone's basement, i wasn't among the throngs of teenagers at the hallowe'en weekend opening nights because a) i had better things to do with my hallowe'en weekends, and b) i wasn't a teenager. i'm too old for nĂ¼ horror, and too jaded for a new franchise. while torture porn isn't exactly lost on me (i dug hostel enough to see it twice), the new generation of north american horror seems designed for an impatient audience of ADD delta-betas lacking knowledge of and/or respect for the canon. but as the recent release of saw VII threatens to be its final installment, we figured we'd give the franchise a looksee - you know, just to check out what the kids are watching these days. and though i sat down with fists primed for shaking, turns out this shit ain't bad. it's not good, mind you, but i was entertained enough not to shout at anyone to get the fuck off my lawn.

Part I (2004) - James Wan
my initial interest in the first saw film was somewhat unprecedented for the horror genre: the actors. or rather, one actor in particular: cary elwes. aside from the obvious draw of blood, i watched saw because it starred the *other* man in black. and while he doesn't disappoint, exactly - he's badass, beginning to end (and VII comes full circle) - westley, or dr gordon or whatever, is a bit of a dick who kinda deserves what's coming. this movie has other things i like too, like dioramas, and boobytraps like in the goonies, and people having to saw through their own ankles like in the original mad max. the reasonably predictable ending reveals john kramer as the jigsaw maestro and not-quite-dead guy in the middle, whose backstory and motivations aren't especially interesting. cancer kills. by the end, i have only one unanswered question: is there a movie in which danny glover doesn't play a cop?

Part II (2005) - Darren Lynn Bousman
the second installment opens with a bang, some whimpers, and a lot of screaming. as if the first film's reverse bear trap wasn't terrifying enough, this one has a full face death mask of nails. i call it a pokey. part II stars a lady cop from star trek: nemesis, a poor man's mark wahlberg [cpt rocket: "daisy, you realise that's donnie wahlberg, right?"], and a room full of people i hate so much that the absence of any will to live is rather relieving. all's well that ends unexpectedly well, and i'm in. okay, i'll play this game. next!

Part III (2006) - Darren Lynn Bousman
if i woke up in a hospital stuck with needles and electrodes connected to medical equipment i don't understand even when my brain isn't clouded with coma- and chemical-related confusion, i probably wouldn't just unplug myself to go in search of some answers. replace tubes and wires with hooks and chains, and i guarantee i'm not going anywhere without some serious contemplation and assessment of the situation. evidently saw victims disagree. i'm similarly unnerved by people wearing animal heads, so this recurring pigface thing is terrifying. and in this installment the pigs keep coming, eventually dumping their rancid guts onto people for drowning purposes ... ewww. points for gross creativity. and for frozen icepop tits! but the films are starting to feel like episodes of CSI and the forgiveness narrative tastes like jesus-flavoured kool-aid. moving along.

Part IV (2007) - Darren Lynn Bousman
cpt rocket is already convinced saw is a better franchise than friday the 13th, but i'm a classicist, so i ... wait, was that some dead dude's junk? the full autopsy scene is deliciously graphic, but unfortunately, jigsaw's postmortem dickballs aren't enough to distract me from the franchise's increasingly disturbing humanism (it's no coincidence that its goriest moment isn't a trap, but rather a mundane medical procedure). cherish your life. the premise of part IV is too impassioned for this level of intricate ret-conning and i'm highly irritated by the flashback narrative and fancy editing. inexplicably, the pawns (not the players) in this installment take a turn for the sexually perverse, from kiddie-madam to fat pasty rapist, and the excessive video clips of the hotel sicko's extracurricular activities are upsettingly beside the point (again i wonder at the current trend of incidental sexual violence). i wish sir psycho sexbeast's antics weren't the only scary thing in this flick, but part IV is more confusing than compelling, and the franchise's weakest link.

Part V (2008) - David Hackl
at last, a new direction, and a new director to guide the way. hackl resurrects the dioramas and group dynamism, giving saw the kickstart it needs. part V momentarily returns to franchise badassery and gusto when agent strahm trachs himself - that's hard - but the film looses steam in its vacillation between prisoner dilemma and CSI cop drama, and its tired moralism permeates both: "if we've learned anything it's that human life is sacred and should be cherished." it's starting to grate on my misanthropic nerves. these people are assholes, and aren't worth the redemptive effort. bored now. needs more cowbell, more blood, and more darla.

Part VI (2009) - Kevin Greutert
part VI attempts to correct hackl's directorial weaknesses with a show + tell narrative, but rather than a case of too little too late, it's mostly redundant because this installment is far more linear than its predecessors. the scenario is topical, and everyone's happy to see the "umbrella health" (haha!) insurance brokers struggle to offer up their pound of flesh ... and bone. the tests and contraptions lose their steampunk aesthetic, and are instead reminiscent of a funhouse of horrors. the merry-go-round is particularly ingenious. i am uncertain as to where our sympathies are to lie, however, when the test subject is such a douchebag that we just want him to fail and take everyone else with him.

Part VII (2010) - Kevin Greutert
finally someone sticks it to infidelity! in public, no less! the opening kill is innovative - all bright shiny and new. same goes for the final player: a self-help scam artist no one knows or cares about. so while the franchise has previously toyed with unwinnable games (amanda's tests were designed to fail), we like that this dude loses every round. it's refreshing to watch someone suck at life despite the will to live it. the humanist tub so vehemently thumped throughout the franchise is lessened by the audience's utter lack of engagement with these characters. the series ends with some deep gratification: we finally see the reverse bear trap snap, the man in black returns, and hoffman's game ends where the franchise begins. but why the fuck was this in 3D?